After a series of spirited internal discussions (and one truly breathtaking interpretive dance rendition of “Corporate Regret”), we are prepared to present our formal offer for settling this matter in a manner acceptable to all parties—real or fictitious.

1. Apology Cutscene:
We shall provide a precisely 3-minute cutscene, narrated by your good self. It shall feature:

• Three utterances of the word “befuddled.”
• Two explicit references to “broom closets.”
• A comedic cameo by Jerma, in which he triumphantly locates said broom closet.

Our scriptwriters are drafting lines that strike the perfect balance between abject remorse and whimsical self-awareness.

2. Financial Restitution:
We consent to remitting the $9,184.56 (Plus $1.20 for postage) demanded. Admittedly, this precise figure will be billed under “Existential Expenditures” in our accounting software. We trust Jerma will appreciate the comedic absurdity of this itemization.

3. In-Game Easter Egg:
The upcoming update will include a new “Narrator’s Sanctum” door accessible only by performing a series of incredibly obscure actions. Inside, players will find a levitating broom labeled “Jerma’s Triumph.” We believe this suitably commemorates his resilience.

Upon your acceptance of these terms, we shall proceed with production posthaste. Should you require any modifications—perhaps a script that includes four references to “existential dread” or a cameo by “Jerma’s CIA Daddy”—we remain open to adjustments, as long as they enhance the comedic tapestry without inviting the dreaded doom-narration.